Do you have trouble asking for help? I sure do. I often find myself thinking, I wish someone would help me, when in reality I don’t help myself because I don’t ask. No one can read my mind (somedays I sure wish someone could) so unless I ask for it, I most likely won’t get the help I need and want. And I bet the same is true for you.
WHY WE DON’T ASK FOR HELP
But before we talk about how to ask for help, I think it’s imperative that we first identity what is stopping us from asking in the first place. Once we determine what’s keeping us from asking for help we will be able to move on and reach out. Though there many be more, I’ve narrowed it down to six major reason why we don’t ask for help:
- We are worried what others will think.
- We don’t think we have the time or money to get the help we need.
- We suffer from a “me-mentality”, what I like to call, Superwoman. We believe we can do it all -by -ourself.
- We are a people-pleaser and don’t want to put people out.
- We don’t know who to ask.
- We feel guilty asking for it.
Which reason do you identify with the most? For me it’s definitely #1, #3, and #4.
We are worried what others will think. Listen, there is always going to be someone who won’t agree with you or who will question your motives. Who cares? Really, who cares? You can’t live your life based on a fear of what others think. Most of the time they are not thinking of you anyway. It’s the truth! We are naturally self-centered people, and only worry about ourselves. It is usually all in our own head.
We don’t think we have the time or the money to get the help we need. You may think you don’t have the time or money to get help but it’s just an excuse. You get to determine how you spend your money, you get to determine how to spend your time. If you really need help, you’ll find away to cut cable or rearrange your schedule. Be creative.
We suffer from a Superwoman mentality. Oh, this is totally me. I can do it all, all. by. myself. Can I be honest with you? I make a very bad Superwoman and my guess is you do too. If you think that some woman out there is doing it all you’re wrong. I promise behind the scenes she’s got help. (She probably pretty good at asking for it too!)
We are a people pleaser. Listen. If someone doesn’t want to say yes to you, they should just say it. Matthew 5:37, “let your yes be yes, and your no be no”. If they lack boundaries that is not your concern. Honestly, you can’t go around worrying about others. They need to worry about themselves. With that said, many people pleasers need to work on their own boundaries. It is okay to say no. And it is okay to give others the opportunity to say no.
We feel guilty. Fear is a liar. So is guilt. It is okay to ask for help. You deserve to have a break, pursue a dream, change your life. Asking or hiring someone to help isn’t wrong. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, make you feel otherwise.
HOW TO START ASKING FOR HELP
Now that we’ve identified the reason(s) holding us back from asking, let’s move on to how to ask.
- Determine where you need help. You can’t ask if you don’t know what you need help with. Is it housecleaning or maybe a few hours for yourself?
- Identify who can help you. Can your spouse help? Your children? Maybe you need to hire someone to help? Make a list.
- ASK. It’s that simple. Reach out and ask for the help you need. If someone declines, that’s okay. Move on to the next person on your list. And don’t take it personal.
- Accept it. I don’t know about you but the hardest part for me once I actually ask for help is accepting it. Just this week I asked my husband to help me with something, he agreed but then I immediately said “Oh, never mind I’ll do it.” Knowing how I struggle with this my husband kindly declined and told me he was going to do it and it was no longer my concern. Make sure if you go through through the work to ask, that you accept the help.
I’ve created this handy little graphic to help you when you’re feeling stuck. You can get it by clicking here.